neglected (poor VOX).

Today, I went for my 28 weeks check-up. I have officially gained 24 lbs. and I still have 12 weeks to go. Not so hot. I got fussed at by the doc because I'd gained 7 lbs. since my last check-up. Boo.

However, little Miss Zalee decided that she didn't want the doc or mommy to hear her heartbeat today. Each time the doc put the doppler on my stomach, she kicked it. HARD. It took him three times before he could finally get it in place long enough without her kicking it to get a steady pulse.

Yes, she has a little mean streak in her. :)

Where, when, and with whom was your very first kiss?

When I was in the third grade, I kissed Ian Williams under the bridge in the ditch behind my house. That's my very first kiss. My first real kiss was with Keith Blum in the back of the Dillon Movie Theater when I was 13 (I think...).

The kiss I count as the best "first" kiss though, would have to be my first kiss with my now hubby.We were both 15, and he had come to watch my dance recital. He sat in the balcony with all the other "cool" kids who couldn't be seen at an event like that but secretly wanted to go because they loved it. When I had a good break in the recital, I walked up to the balcony to talk to him. Right before I had to leave to go back backstage, he caught me and said, "Wait." When I turned around to tell him that I HAD to go, he just kissed me. Really quickly. Nice little peck. But, it was the sweetest thing ever and I'll never forget it. (FYI, I was late getting backstage and almost missed our cue...)

Baby Caulder went to her first prom last night. She thoroughly enjoyed it. Teachers have to be there from 7:30 until the kids leave at 12:00. She did not stop moving, at all, from 7:30 until 12:00. Then, once we got home, she moved and moved and moved until 3:30.

She is a dance-a-holic. It's amazing how she responds to music. Any time James plays his fiddle, she starts moving. Every Sunday when I'm on the organ, she's moving when it's going. I've been out two places since I could feel her moving that involved music being blared through speakers of some sort, and both times, she didn't stop moving.

I guess she takes after her momma a little bit. :)

So, I'm from a tiny little town and I go to the Baptist church in that town. This morning, we walked into church to a shock. Our pastor commited suicide sometime in the early hours of the morning this morning. He got up, went to the bathroom, sat in the tub, and slit his wrists. He was 36.

Suicide is often a subject that is terribly hard to understand. Put the person who has committed suicide into the position of pastor, and it becomes even harder.

Our revival was scheduled to start today. It is a blessing that the speaker scheduled was a former member of the church and another local pastor. He handled the situation about as well as anybody could have. We still had services. It was difficult. Extremely. But, I think it's what was needed.

The guest pastor spoke about suicide and the ramifications that people sometimes asociate with it. "Bad theology" tells us that a person who commits suicide can in no way, shape, or form go to Heaven. However, if you read scripture, this is not the case. If it were, it would mean that man could be saved by works (which is not true). Man can only be saved by God and His Son. Nothing that man can do can take the salvation away once it is there. Suicide is an act of man. Therefore, it is not a ticket straight to hell.

I am terribly burdened over the grief that his family is going to feel in the coming days. Right now, they are still in shock. He left behind a wife, 18 year old daughter, 16 year old son, 4 year old daughter, and 2 year old son. Today, at their house looked like any other normal day because the mother was trying to keep things normal for her young children. They kept asking why all the "visitors" were there, but never asked where their daddy was. I think that was a blessing for her today. While she is being extremely strong right now, I can only imagine what awaits her and the kids in the days to come.

There has been lots of speculation as to why he would have done such a thing. One thing that disturbs me and makes probably the most sense is his need for medication to control bipolar disorder. He has been diagnosed for roughly ten years and has always responded well to treatments. He sees a psychiatrist regularly and his medications had been working fine. On Monday of this past week, his psychiatrist upped the dosage of one medication and added another. You can't help but wonder if this contributed to his decision.

His wife shared that they had never kept any razor blades in the house as a precaution based on his condition. He was never really on a "suicide watch" and the disorder was not something that he shared with the church. For us, this came out of left field. However, it was obviously a premeditated decision of some sort because he had to purchase and stow the razor blades.

I am really at a loss for words and don't really know how the family and the church is going to cope. It will be difficult.

Please pray for his family: Misty, Brittany, John, Cailin, and Gatlin.

is more of a watermelon. My momma and I went bathing suit shopping today, and I had to get a LARGE maternity bathing suit top. LARGE. I have never worn a large top in anything in my LIFE. The little girl is already getting so big (or at least mommy's tummy is). If I'd have gotten the medium, I would have never been able to wear my bathing suit this summer.

It was a little bit of a shock to realize how big my belly was already. I guess I haven't been paying attention to it. Of course, I have. Daily. I feel like it can't get any bigger already. I don't have anywhere else for it to go. But a LARGE? Come on.

All that said and done however, I am loving my little butterbean in there.  :)

Yesterday, James had to take his truck to the Ford dealership to have a seal replaced. Now, under normal circumstances, we use the local town mechanic for any repairs that we have. However, Ford is smart enough to make the piece that needed to come off to replace the broken piece removable only by a special, patented, Ford owned wrench.

So, after being told by our local guy that we had to go to the dealership, James called and made an appointment for Friday morning. When he went back Friday afternoon, he received a bill for $286.16. Upon looking at the invoice, he found that the actual piece to be replaced cost less than $20. Now, $266.16 seems a little steep to me for labor and taxes. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the guy that loosened the special nut with the special wrench does deserve $266 for his work (not that he'll EVER see that much).

Where does the money go?

So, our little darling has a "Big Mac" instead of a "Turtle." She's the most precious little thing that you could ever imagine in staticky black and white. She's active too...didn't stop moving the whole time the u/s was going on.

We are officially on Pink Team now... :)

So, I teach 9th graders English at the high school where I work. Fun stuff. We have an end-of-course exam tomorrow. This exam is mandated by the state and produced by the state. I hate it. I don't think that the state of South Carolina should be responsible for making my kids' end of semester exam. It counts for 20% of their grade.

This year, I am especially worried. I have a group of 20 freshmen right now. Next semester, I'll have about 70. But for now, the 20 I have are severely deficient in the skills that they should have to be productive in a ninth grade.

Last year, out of the 80 something freshmen I taught over the course of the school year, I had 12 fail the EOC. This semester, out of the 20 I have now, I'll probably have 10 fail. I really have trouble not blaming this on myself, but I know that I've done everything I can to get them prepared. It's now up to them...

So, today was the first day back after a nice (although sicky) Christmas break. While it was the normal day back (crazy kids that don't want to do a thing), I had a horrible day because I've been sick sick sick all day long. I'm tired of morning (all day) sickness. I don't puke a whole lot. But I gag and I'm nauseous constantly. Oh well, thus is the life of a pregnant girl. :)

Thus far, my new year has been rather nice. I have a great hubby who is starting to do the laundry (YES!). He even bought a nice new clothes hamper so the clothes will be presorted so that it makes it easier on him. Why didn't he think of that for me? I don't know. Go figure. But, I love him and he's doing good trying to help out and deal with me through my moods and sick days.

I am now 11w4d preggers and I can't wait until next week when I get to go to the dr. and (hopefully) hear Baby Caulder's heartbeat. :)

So, I am a slacker. A total slacker. VOX has been neglected once again. It's now 2009 and I have lots of new things going on in my life, so I'm going to try to chronicle them (try hard) because this is one year that I'm definitely going to want to look back on.

I am now 11 weeks, 1 day pregnant. Baby Caulder is roughly the size of a plum and is growing like a weed that you can't stop. Mommy Caulder is growing too. I'm still in regular clothes, but it won't be too much longer before I have to hit up the store for some elastic in the waist area. James and I are both so excited about our little one on the way. So far, everything has gone well and things are progressing the way they should. I go to the dr. again on the 14th of January, so I'll have some more information then.

I am currently working on obtaining my Master's in Learning Disabilities. It has been such an interesting program and I've learned so much about some of the kids that I teach and interact with at the school. It's given me such a different perspective of how to work with some of the kids that teachers write off as "problem" children in their classroom. These kids, often times, do not "act out" because they want to (though sometimes, that's the case). Many times, they can't help it. I'm enjoying the program more and more, and event though it will be hard to do, I'm still going to graduate in December (new mommy and all) because I don't want to put off the program because it may not be available as conveniently again.

This school year has also been fun because I'm the new cheerleading coach. That has been a wild ride and a half. I don't even have enough room to list all of the crazy stories about my girls on here. We'll suffice it to say I started with 14 girls. Now I have 12.

I don't have any resolutions for 2009. I think it's easier just to try to be a good person and keep working on things rather than make a list of things that need to be accomplished and robably never will. However, I am going to try to keep VOX updated. We'll see how it goes...